maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
