I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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