SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
