what day is it and did you see me today?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
