You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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