mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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