sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize