I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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