He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
