You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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