I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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