Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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