You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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