does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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