I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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