I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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