She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
