I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
