i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
