I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
