i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
