if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
