Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I cannot find my penis.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
