Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
