i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
