That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
