By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
