I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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