Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
