Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
