I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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