Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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