Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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