he shaved USA in his pubs
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
