i jhust puked up my retainher.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
