as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
