i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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