The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
