is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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