Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
