party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
