remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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