I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
