I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
