Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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