I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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