What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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