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Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
