Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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