It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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