the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
