Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
