i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
