Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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