This girl is more easily done than said...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
