I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
