Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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