Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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