ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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