I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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