I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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