apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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