you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize