I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
