More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
