If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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