It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
