Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
