boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
