weddingsv make me drug and hornr
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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